autumn at home.

Water Mill is a very beautiful town. All the houses are hidden behind trees and there are lots of bunnies and deer frolicking through the fields (and streets). But living here is somewhat disgusting at the same time. So much is flaunted without objection. So much is taken for granted. The simple things are complicated by money and excess. It doesn't matter where you go around here, there will always be someone advertising their wealth or fame. I just want to punch the Hamptons and shout out "so what!" Maybe back home we don't all drive BMW / Bentley / Benz. Maybe most of us only have one home to live in ALL year. And so what if our locals are not dripping in diamonds or made of money! New England has a lot of things that cannot be found in the Hamptons, and one of the best of all bests how beautiful our landscapes become this time of year. Say what you want, but the foliage on Long Island has nothing on the foliage in Connecticut, and we're just getting started. Give it a few more weeks and we'll really be seeing some good stuff back home.

So PWNED, Hamptons!

holy cow.

Today I was walking around Southampton. I didn't have to babysit until 3:15 and felt like making the most of my day by doing something different and obscene. Maybe more different than obscene. Okay. Maybe not obscene at all. I had big plans of checking out the Parrish Art Museum. I googled and mapquested. I GPSed. I got all excited at the prospect of having something fun to do, and then I got there and  they were closed for some renovation junk. 

Drats. 

So I walked around Jobs Lane and did a few things which includes meeting a famous artist. His name is Michael Perez. He's painted some of those big cows that you've probably seen around. Check him. Actually, legitimately famous. He does a lot of pop art and has celebrity clients like Nikki Hilton and Billy Joel. But I didn't know this when I met him. I asked him if they were his paintings, and he said yes and got all excited, perhaps thinking me rich and able to afford some fancy expensive bright thing to hang on my wall. No no no. I don't even have my own wall. But anyway. The exact dialogue of the conversation escapes me now but we talked in general about my nannyhood, my disappointment about the closed museum, my useless B.A. in English, his friend the editor who drives a fancy car, and my eyes, which he said were beautiful. He said he wanted me to come back later so he could paint me. Imagine my face, pop-artified, hanging on the wall of a rich person's home.

Ha.

Haha.

(And, for good measure,) Hahaha.

oh thomas garrison (nanny scam)

My time in Water Mill is running out, and I am looking like crazy for my dreamjob. So, I decided to take my search over to craigslist where there are legit nanny seekers a-plenty, but there's always that (<=) one freakshow who wants to ruin the fun of such a nice place on the internet.

I wanted to share this with you in hopes that it will spare some sucker from falling victim. In my favorite excerpts, here is the recap of my communication with Mister Thomas Garrison.

Key: Thomas Me

Hello,
I saw your advert on the craigslist as a Nanny/Sitter and i will be glad if you can watch my daughter,She's Pamela by name and 3yrs old,Im currently working with a Fabric company,You'll be watching her from Monday-Friday while im at work. The Childcare will be between the hours of 10am-4pm as i will like to know your cost and if you'll be available to watch her.The care shall be for a period of 6weeks and you shall start the care by 17th of September.
Here are few questions i will like you to answer:
1.Do you have a daycare center
2.Do you have References
3.Which area are you located
4.Will my daughter be fine with you.
5.What is your charges for the 6weeks period.
 
Thanks and get back to me only if you're interested in the care.
Regards.
Thomas

I especially like #4... "will my daughter be fine with you." This person's use of punctuation is sickening. And that's what you want to ask a potential nanny - will my daughter be fine with you? How does he know whether or not I'm kidding when I say yes?

So, smelling a scam, I said...

Located in Rural Maine. (Total lie, but I said it because no fabric company man is taking his blooming business out into the sticks, and also because it's so remote that if he jumped on it, YES YES YES, then it was a warning signal, especially because I posted my availability for Long Island, NYC, and Connecticut areas on craigslist, NOT rural Maine.)  I take care from my own home, very small daycare. How many children do you have?

Mister Thomas Garrison then proceeded to ask me what I would charge for 6 weeks of childcare, and I told him the exorbitant amount of $8000. Now I know the U.S. economy is somewhat weaker than that of our friends in England, but $8000 is very unreasonable for 6 weeks of childcare in the backwoods of Maine.

But he was fine with it.

Hello Again,
I'm very glad to read back from you.I want you to know that my baby girl Pamela is so precious to me because she's is all i'm left with i lost her mom in a plane crash last year i really want you to take good care of her for me and pls keep your eye's on her always.
 
I need you to know that we are moving from the United Kingdom to the United State to your area,i told you in my previous email that i work in a fabrics company in the Uk...im the Manager of this company and we are planning of having a Branch of this company set up in your area and this is why im  relocating to ensure the smooth running of the company there and this is why i also requested for your service,and before our arrival i need to make all necessary arrangement and make payment for you in advance ***Huge red flag.
 
Regarding to the amount you're requesting i believe i can afford as my company financier will be responsible for the payment and will be paying you with a (counterfeit) bank Check and i've decided to add $40 to the amount you are charge for so you can get a very good job done for me i appreciate your assistant.
 
I need you to mail me back with your Full Name and Address of where the payment should be send to i also need a Valid phone number where i can reach you.Your full name and address will be forward to my company financier for a quick payment.

Ooh, an extra forty fake bucks just for giving some creepo all my personal information. Sounds good to me, sign me up!

I responded by asking him if he was sure he didn't mind his precious Pam being cared for by a woman with no teeth, who needed $2000 extra to be able to patch up the giant hole in my roof. This dude will probably say it's just fine.

Just be careful, be safe. Upfront payment for a nanny job is not acceptable. This person wants to send you a counterfeit check, have you cash it, and send part of the payment back to him. Last time I checked, that's illegal, and downright filthy.