hey baby.

Word up, internets. It's my pleasure to make your acquaintance. You can call me Jenn.fer K if you'd like, and yes, it's because I'm concerned about internet safety. YEAH try and find me now, dudes. But not really. 

As you are reading this introductory post, I implore you to ask yourself this series of questions.

1. Am I presently, or could I soon become incarcerated?

2. Do I have a taste for blood?

3. Am I a Bette Middler look-alike?

4. Do I wish I enjoy finding the homes of innocent bloggers and sitting outside of their home in the middle of the night with a pair of binoculars?

5. Am I overly enthusiastic about such things as rubber bands, hair bands, produce bands, or any other bands (excluding rock bands)?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, kindly take this as your cue to exit this blog and never look back.

Cough.

Allow me to explain myself.

I have recently graduated from college with a degree in English. No, I don't want to be a teacher, although I do, from time to time, dabble in substituting. That is to say I have no real idea what I want to do with my education but it is likely not going home with a headache at 3 pm every afternoon. I am a run-on sentence enthusiast and a believer in mermaids.

I have many jobs, which include:

+bank tellering*

+waitressing

+substitute teachering

+nannying*

(* indicates a pleasant experience.)

Past experiences have included:

+seller of fine ladies' footwear*

+seller of ice cream

+helper of retarded persons

+cleaner of libraries

+writer of press releases

+writer of newspaper articles

+smiler at children

(* indicates the feeling of accomplishment / worthlessness.)

I think my future would be full of smiles if I could gain some sort of meaningful employment, say, as a big-shot editorial assistant at a hip magazine like MODE (if only) or as a literary agent (my, my, my). Nobody seems to want my poetry and my short stories end up on the Island of Misfit Stories, which is by  no means a way cool anthology of awesome shorts. But whatever. I keep on keeping on. In the meantime I am working as a nanny and as a maker-upper and smoosher-togetherer of words and freelancing.

And I'm all for abrupt transitions.

That said, I will end by giving you this suggestion. Try saying 'fanks' to those individuals who serve your food or bag your groceries or make your change at the gas station. Chances are, they'll think you actually said 'thanks' and you will feel awesome knowing that you just tricked someone. YEAH.