dirt.

People always say the Jerz is dirty, but I look around New Jersey, and there is no more dirt here than there is anywhere else. It is true, however, that driving through the city of Elizabeth requires the use of a very strongly scented air freshener. I suppose it is also true that the beaches are littered with, well, litter, and the highways are close to what I imagine would exist in a place like, say, Hell. But flowers still grow and there are lots of fancy places to get lost in. And I will always have a special place in my heart for Broad Street in Red Bank. Such cool shops, such cool people.

I can't say I would want to live here forever. It is so difficult to find a friend for it being such a densely populated place. The people here talk fast and have a wicked accent. Throw in some cellular phone bluzz and there's no hope at communicating with them. But they like to hug and kiss, so that's nice. In this entry you will find a picture of me and my friend E. who threw a very fun party at his strangely decorated mansion two nights ago. Said party also contained my friend B. who wore a shirt bearing the word 'adorkable.'

I was sad for the longest time.

I thought I created adorkable.

buckle or knuckle.

Around here they say "Click it or ticket." I personally like to say "Buckle or knuckle."

But whatever.

I always buckle up in my car, and yesterday was no exception, only I wish I hadn't, and so does my chest which now bears a sunburn in the fashion of a seat belt.

Blah. Two thumbs down.

hey baby.

Word up, internets. It's my pleasure to make your acquaintance. You can call me Jenn.fer K if you'd like, and yes, it's because I'm concerned about internet safety. YEAH try and find me now, dudes. But not really. 

As you are reading this introductory post, I implore you to ask yourself this series of questions.

1. Am I presently, or could I soon become incarcerated?

2. Do I have a taste for blood?

3. Am I a Bette Middler look-alike?

4. Do I wish I enjoy finding the homes of innocent bloggers and sitting outside of their home in the middle of the night with a pair of binoculars?

5. Am I overly enthusiastic about such things as rubber bands, hair bands, produce bands, or any other bands (excluding rock bands)?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, kindly take this as your cue to exit this blog and never look back.

Cough.

Allow me to explain myself.

I have recently graduated from college with a degree in English. No, I don't want to be a teacher, although I do, from time to time, dabble in substituting. That is to say I have no real idea what I want to do with my education but it is likely not going home with a headache at 3 pm every afternoon. I am a run-on sentence enthusiast and a believer in mermaids.

I have many jobs, which include:

+bank tellering*

+waitressing

+substitute teachering

+nannying*

(* indicates a pleasant experience.)

Past experiences have included:

+seller of fine ladies' footwear*

+seller of ice cream

+helper of retarded persons

+cleaner of libraries

+writer of press releases

+writer of newspaper articles

+smiler at children

(* indicates the feeling of accomplishment / worthlessness.)

I think my future would be full of smiles if I could gain some sort of meaningful employment, say, as a big-shot editorial assistant at a hip magazine like MODE (if only) or as a literary agent (my, my, my). Nobody seems to want my poetry and my short stories end up on the Island of Misfit Stories, which is by  no means a way cool anthology of awesome shorts. But whatever. I keep on keeping on. In the meantime I am working as a nanny and as a maker-upper and smoosher-togetherer of words and freelancing.

And I'm all for abrupt transitions.

That said, I will end by giving you this suggestion. Try saying 'fanks' to those individuals who serve your food or bag your groceries or make your change at the gas station. Chances are, they'll think you actually said 'thanks' and you will feel awesome knowing that you just tricked someone. YEAH.